Archive for noviembre 2009
Looks like the Parents Television Council is going to have more ammo.
We’re hearing there’s going to be a “crazy naked” sex scene on Melrose Place before the two recently ousted players go on their merry way: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Colin Egglesfield.
How racy is it? “It involves us both wearing half-loin cloths that they had to tape to us,” Colin himself tells us. “There are very few clothes involved in the near future.”
And if your name is Bronx you probably shouldn’t hear this part but Colin says of Ashlee/Violet: “She’s up for anything.”
Not that we’re complaining, but what’s behind all of this nakedness, and why is the main suspect in a major murder mystery shacking up with the resident Melrose wackjob? We have more scoop…
A source close to the show tells us that Colin and Ashlee actually have not one but two supersteamy sex scenes in the next few episodes, where the troubled twosome are almost completely au naturel. (They leave the show around episode 13.)
Does this mean Violet will end up with her demented version of happily ever after with Auggie? Don’t count on it. Colin says that some very bad things are a-brewin’ in his final eps:”Things get pretty violent and kind of crazy. Auggie ends up hitting the bottle and falls off the deep end a little bit.” Colin adds that the drinking was to be a more developed storyline, but because of his early exit it will be cut short.
Hey, if we can’t have Colin on Melrose Place forever, at least we’re getting a nearly-nakie image to remember him by. And just think what it’ll do for his reel.
We are not prudes. We are simply scared shirtless.
With every new still of Taylor Lautner and his tersely torsoed Twilight-affiliated wolf pack, we grow concerned that our nation’s impressionable young men are taking notes—and thinking about taking off their T-shirts.
What’s the problem with New Moonings, you ask? Why can’t guys go wild like a Joe Francis DVD? What’s the downside?
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Except all sorts of terrible things, up to and including, economic ruin and wrinkles. And not necessarily in that order.
See, as we researched the potential impact of Lautner-inspired shirtlessness sweeping the nation with next week’s New Moon release, we were convinced anew that clothes aren’t just for hiding unsightly flab.
Dr. Gregory Buford, a Colorado-based plastic surgeon, pointed out that a shirt, combined with sun block and shade, helps prevent sun damage, if not skin cancer. And that going topless doesn’t. (“You’re just courting extra problems,” Buford said.)
Dr. D.J. Basu, a medical expert for JustAnswer, confirmed our suspicion that going shirtless in late November isn’t the wisest move for residents of the Northern Hemisphere: “If somebody goes shirtless, the risk of hypothermia is pretty high,” he said. “It’s not a good idea.”
Chris Lindland of the online pants-seller, Cordsaround, spoke of nothing less than the collapse of retail fashion. Said Lindland: “The less clothing people wear—they could put us out of business. I’m afraid of this, obviously.”
And while Lindland’s tongue was in his cheek, obviously, you shouldn’t laugh. In 1934, Clark Gable went undershirt-less in It Happened One Night, and the undershirt industry nearly went under—or so the oft-told story goes.
At least Lindland is in pants. Unlike Peter Crawfurd, who’s in shirts via ShirtsMyWay.com. “We thrive on people wearing their dress shirts,” Crawfurd said in an email, “and the last thing we want is a trend going in the direction of being shirtless!”
Ah, but that’s exactly where we’re headed if Lautner keeps making shirtlessness so attractive.
We’re all for fitness. We’re all for pride in fitness. But we draw the line at potentially dangerous Matthew McConaughey-ness.
Enough with not-enough. Button up the flannel, Taylor Lautner, before somebody gets hurt.
Besides, you’re just making all your pasty-skinned vampire friends look bad.